D-day

It's another year, another birthday, another day older for Donghae.
He is now 30 years old. The time has come for him to enlist in the mandatory military duty. He will be in the army for 2 years. First 4 weeks are training then he gets sent to the police task force. He will be a conscripted police officer. Can you imagine him as someone upholding the law? I think it would be some thing great to see. He is a very righteous man.
I can't believe it's actually happening. It feels like yesterday I was wondering when Donghae would go to the military.  And that was 6 years ago. Time sure flies.
It has been an adventurous ride going from one album to another, to a photo shoot, to a drama, to a film, or to an endorsement. He has been doing a lot. Recently, he has been writing songs and composing for new albums. His Don't wake me up and Growing Pains songs are beautiful. They are filled with so much emotion that you can feel Donghae's heart.

I'm going to miss him so much. He won't be active in his career so there won't be much of him on T.V. or any new songs. So this is going to be one difficult year. I don't know how I am going to endure it. He has become an enormous part of my life, he has given me so much inspiration and hope that I couldn't ever imagine coming from anyone. I hope I can see him in my dreams. He is the only one that is able to make my monsters in the dark go away. 

동해오빠가 내 옆있어 나는 외롭지안했었다.
그래서 동해오빠, 오리 ELF는 있니가 외롭지안할거에요.
많이목어, 건강하고, 잘다녀와세요. 기다리고영원히사랑할거에요.  <3 

Forever

I have a question to the world. Why do all good things end so abruptly?

Every time there is some thing worth while, and meaningful, it always ends when you least expect it, or rather it doesn't last long. 

So, does that mean we should cherish every moment of it knowing it might be the last? I guess that's where the phrase "cherish every moment like it will be your last" came from. I kind of answered my own question. lol.
But I will still ask the world. 

I wonder if things lasted forever then how would we view the value of life? Would we care more or care less? Personally, I don't think I'd want things to last forever but rather just a little longer than usual. {I have a point to my rambling}

Throughout my life, I have noticed that every time I come across a T.V. show that is truly pure, deep, and insightful without the use of profanity, vulgar language or sexual content...it always seems to be erased from society. This time the show was called Forever (ABC). I do have a list of shows that were cancelled in the past that I loved deeply and were meaningful to watch. For example, Myth Quest, Firefly, and Merlin (BBC). 

I was really sad when they cancelled Merlin because a) I love the Arthurian legend, grew up reading about it, b) it was a very informative and decent show c) I loved the actors that portrayed all the characters, they were doing an amazing job!, And now, Forever was cancelled. Mind you, Forever has its flaws just like every t.v. show in history but I think I found an attachment with it that I can't fully explain with words. Its some thing to know when watched. Maybe it was the dialogue that was said between the two main characters or the interactions they had with each other. Or the mysteries that were to be solved, or the whole idea of living for hundreds of years. How lonely it must have been, how much one can accomplish in their life and what kind of person they might be able to become. Regardless, it was a good show. No profanity and no vulgar language. I'd like to believe there is still a place out there in the world that is safe and where people are still kind and genuinely considerate. 

Anyways, I hope they bring back Forever with all the same cast members. Maybe one day? Here's to wishful thinking *fingers crossed*. 

I am adding a fan-made music video because....I love the two characters! And the maker did a splendid job editing!! I have begun to like the song too. 

Video: Forever (ABC)

Edited by: Maddylovebug12
Source: Youtube
Name: Henry and Jo - My heart is open
Song: Maroon 5 (ft. Gwen Stefani)
All Rights Reserved. do not own anything.





Credits: ABC, Youtube, Maddylovebug12, Maroon 5, 

Strong

Have courage and be kind. 

Recently, I watched the new live-action movie Cinderella. And I must say, I was magically swept away by the enchanted world. The movie was purely splendid. I think the words "pure" and "magical" would describe the movie well. I think the movie was well done, my god the acting portrayed by each actor was on point. Especially from Lily James and Cate Blanchett. Also, the set and costume was truly magnificent. As soon as I saw them, I wanted to be part of that world. Every element of the movie makes one want to live in that lavish environment. And , I should add, the grand ball was beautiful! Overall, I think the movie was well done and I would definitely watch it over and over again :)

I still remember the moment when I watched Cinderella. I was 6 years old, sitting on a futon bed and watching this movie with my family. It was the first Disney movie I had ever seen. I had no idea what was going on except that the stepmother was really mean to Cinderella, I remember thinking it was really unfair to her, and Cinderella's dress was really pretty. To be honest, I never really liked the movie. Mainly because I hated the idea of a family member to be so cruel to their own child and that the past things that happened to Cinderella were so unfair.

Since I watched the live-action movie...there was one thought that I had from the beginning. The movie is filled with grief. I didn't quite see it before because I was younger but now...it makes more sense. First, Cinderella's mother passes, then her father, not to mention Lady Tremaine's former husband passes, then her current husband, and also the Prince's father becomes ill. But amongst all the sadness and grief, there is always positivity and light. I think that is one of the main reasons why I love this movie so much. Personally, in my life, whenever there is turmoil I always think of the positive aspects and hold on to them. So, I know how to relate to Cinderella's personality.
Oh! another reason I loved this movie was because the Prince was a gentlemen, Every time he wanted to do some thing with Cinderella or do some thing for her, he always asked first. He treated her as a person, as someone who has their own mind and their own goals, he respected her, as his equal. And I think that is a very important trait to have as an individual. Whether they are a man or woman, they are treated just as one would like to be treated. I think this aspect is a good reminder for this day and age, where people are easily mistreated and misunderstood. I hope this movie enlightens people.

And lastly, to always stay true to oneself. We see in this movie that regardless of where Cinderella came from and where she ended up going, she was never ashamed or disappointed to be an ordinary girl, or a farm girl/servant girl. She loved the home she was born and raised into and more importantly she was honest to the prince from the beginning. I think being honest and being true to oneself is the greatest gift you can give to, not only, yourself but to the person that you might be able to build a future together.
Know who you are, what you want, and have the courage to achieve it. Then, let a little bit of hope and fate guide your way.

That is what I got out of watching this movie. And I just wanted to write a diary of my thoughts here. And of course, I would love to go to a Grand ball! :D

Plus, I can't stop listening to this song. The music video made by Disney Records is nice!

Sonna Rele - Strong (from Cinderella)


Here are some stills from the Cinderella (2015) movie.

Credits (all rights reserved): Disney, Walt Disney Records,Cinderella, Sonna Rele, DisneyMusicVevo, Youtube, Hollywood Records,  

Ai wa ice ni iru

Love in the Ice

Lately, I can only listen to slow love songs. I have been off K-pop music for about a month, {I wish I could listen to Donghae's music but not yet. Although I have started listening to other K-pop idols music}So...I have been listening to American pop and now I have been listening to my old Japanese pop music. I came across this song. It is not officially Japanese since it is sung by Korean pop band, DBSK. I discovered them back in 2006, To this day I still have faith and hope for all 5 of them to sing on stage. Nevertheless, I discovered this song in 2009 and instantly fell in love. I listened to the Japanese version first and so I love it more than the Korean one. {I could only find a good clip of the Korean version}. This song is filled with immense emotions; sadness, love, longing, loneliness, melancholy and much more. Mostly I think it is filled with sad and longing emotions. Regardless, it sends a very strong feeling of love. It talks about a deep  warm love in the cold winter. As much as I have loved this song I never quite fully understood the references the lyrics were making. Until a week ago. I think it sort of clicked for me. A warm love during the midst of cold winter. A warm kiss as the snow falls or a long walk as two hands are joined. I understand it better now. I guess one would have to fall in love to completely understand the warm gestures. Lucky for me, I had a revelation. lol. 

As I was saying...it is a very lovely song and it's some thing that is definitely on repeat. 

Referring to moments like these. Now that I see them I can understand why people would like scenes like these. 

Credits: Tohodancofighto, Youtube, My Love from another Star, Pinocchio

Incomplete

I'd try to go on like I never knew you

I'm awake but my world is half asleep...

Today, I revisited the moments of my younger days. I grew up watching various cartoons and action shows. So, naturally, Sailor moon was one of them. I am a big Sailor moon fan...mainly cause I loved watching Tuxedo Mask's scenes. And from that day I knew I had fallen in love with Tuxedo Mask. His name in the English translation version was Darien Shields. I think it was that moment that I started falling in love with people that had their name start with the letter D. I think that is why I am also in love with Donghae. Anyways, while I watched Sailor moon I used to surf on the internet and search for fan-made music videos of the anime. And...I found quite a few. 

I have a huge collection of those music videos. I watch them from time to time but today was a special day. I guess I was feeling really nostalgic, sad, or lonely or a mix of all those emotions. I was listening to Backstreet boys music and I came across the song Incomplete. I hadn't listened to this song in years. Surprisingly, this is the perfect song I needed for my mood. Instantly, it reminded me of a fan-made Sailor Moon music video I used to watch...and so here I am posting about it. 

I honestly thank Dejanatalis (Starlight Palace production) for making the video. I will forever love it! 

As you can hear from the song, this is how I feel these days. This song has a feeling of loneliness and emptiness, all best descriptions of being incomplete. Besides, I needed to hear a very painful song to even try to diminish a small amount of darkness inside me. 

아마 종말의 시작이 때문에니까  내 마음이 정말 아파요.

Credits: All Right Reserved.
Sailor Moon, Dejanatalis, Naoko Takeuchi, Backstreet boys; Incomplete, 

아직난 몰라

I don't know yet.

I think I will write a more serious blog today. I recently turned 25 and for the past 6 months there have been many talks of marriage. It's either my friends are getting married, or my friend's friends, or family friends, or cousins, or distance relatives, or co-workers, or classmates or any one within a close proximity of my social circle. The point is there is some one some where having talks of marriage or getting married. And of course, my parents also suggest for me to start thinking about marriage. The funny thing is, I have thought about marriage ever since I was 14 years old. Now, I have never thought about it in a way that most girls are pre-conditioned to think in. The "dream wedding", the one where every girl imagines how her wedding would be like, how her husband would be like or what she will wear. No, no. For me, it is quite the opposite. Call me a bit cynical but I did not have any thought of marriage. Not even for a bit. More so I thought, Why? Why do I have to be married to be able to live in this world? I know the obvious reasons; to procreate, to have some one there for the rest their life, to be secure, loved and full. But all those reasons were still not convincing enough for me. In fact, at the age of 14, I despised the thought of marriage or that I would have to live the rest of my life with another man. Through out the years I have come to understand the underlining thought and mostly it has to do with the relationship of my parents. It is the main factor but also I never personally thought of being with someone. I didn't think it was the life for me, to this point I still don't. Is that so bad? Is that so selfish of me? Why do I have to get married? It's not like I want any kids. And even if I did, I don't want to produce my own. Recently, I came to a conclusion that I could adopt children. There are millions of children who need a home so why not give them one...I would feel much better by adopting a child than producing my own. And it is not like I want my legacy to live on.
So back to my main topic, marriage. I still don't feel the need to marry or be with someone for the rest of my life. I am perfectly content being on my own. I have my dear friends that withhold my social life and those are the people I would rather hang out and spend the rest of my life with. And you know what, I am extremely uncomfortable having someone sleep next to me at night. I spent most of my life sleeping alone on a bed and learning about myself by myself and I am just comfortable with it. If suddenly I am to get married then I would repel more than ever. How can you possibly get close to someone and expect to be near them constantly? It takes me at least 2 years to start opening up to a friend whether it be a boy or a girl, so with marriage it will take 3 times longer....
Maybe I am being too pessimistic about this...but I have experienced being in love, being in a relationship, and my thought of marriage has not changed.  Maybe I have not met the right person. {isn't that what people say?} All I know is I am not expecting nor waiting for that person. Because it is not some thing that I want or need from life. I will just go about my daily life and make each day count. If, fate comes knocking on my door then maybe I will let it in. Just maybe...

I also discovered some thing really interesting. As you know, my favourite Korean pop music band is the boy band, Super Junior. Well, one of their members got married last year on Dec 13th. 2014. I deeply congratulate him! The member Lee Sungmin was married to Kim Sa Eun. I couldn't be more happy for them. It's about time these men got married. They are all around the age of 30. So, as a result, the leader of the group Park Jung Soo, a.k.a. LeeTeuk did an interview about the topic of marriage. And he openly discussed that marriage was not in his mind. He might want to get married later on but he doesn't purposely seek for someone. He still finds sleeping with someone uncomfortable and that frequently thinks whether there is really a need to be married.

Leeteuk`s article

As I read the article, I felt more assured that I am not the only one thinks this way. That someone that I deeply admire also feels and is going through what I am thinking. I have always loved Leeteuk for his selflessness and acts of kindness and care towards the members of Super Junior but this time I felt a connection that even though I`m sure these men would want to be married, there is one of them that might be still considering whether marriage is the way to go. I respected him a lot more. I think at that moment I didn`t feel so alone regardless with all the people around me talking about marriage or undergoing it themselves.



Credits: Koreaboo

Stay

I have so many things to say and ideas to write on this blog and yet I keep forgetting or rather neglecting to post. Now that it is a new year, I would like to make a promise to myself and post more. I also want to write more personal topics and things related to my life because...well...I just need to let off some steam. :)

So, today's topic is Stay. Recently, I started listening to an American pop musician. Her name is Taylor Swift. I'm sure many people around the world know her or heard of her music. Well, I listened to her recent album 1989. Can you believe it? I'm the same age as her. I know I don't. Makes me wonder what I have been doing with my life...but then again, I wouldn't know how to live a life of fame and fortune. Regardless, I've begun to like her music. There are several songs in her album that I like such as; Blank Space, Style, Wildest Dreams, This love, and Clean. But this post is going to be about the song All you had to do was Stay, and a bit personal.

For those who haven't heard of this song, you can listen to it hear...

All You Had to do was Stay - Taylor Swift

So...the reason I like this song. I like it because of the lyrics, the beat, and rhythm. I have been listening to it non-stop for two nights.
I have made some deep conclusions as to why I like listening to this song. Here is some back story first. I had a friend for 5 years and we became really close but because of events beyond our control we were not able to move forward from a friendship to a relationship and so we had to stop being friends with each other. And so this leads me to now, I have been thinking a lot about this person, and how much I loved him and how great it would be if we were still friends. More so a lover, I miss my friend. I miss the person behind the friendship. I wished that person would stay in my life but I knew that it was not possible.
And so, this brings me back to the song. Although the song is about a relationship, and even though we were not in a relationship, I really felt like we were in one and that we can relate to the song. I don't necessarily feel the same way in the song, I don't resent the decision that was made (it was a mutual agreement) but slowly...the thought of 'if the chance ever came back, then it would be too late' occasionally occurs. And honestly, that hurts the most. Because I am afraid of the thought coming true and even just having the possibility of that thought.
And so just like the song says, All you had to do was Stay, I would say it to the person but I know it was not their fault nor anyone's. Just life in general. And even if they did stay then it would just be a friendship and we both knew that it wasn't good enough.
I'm glad I don't know what will happen in the future.

It's been almost a month since we stopped talking and it has been really empty. I think feeling empty is more painful than a broken heart. It hurts to think about it, or even talk about it so I haven't really discussed it much. As I write this post, I can feel the sharp pain in my heart. I hope one day I will be okay. So, I'm just taking it one step at a time.



Credits: Taylor Swift, Big Machine