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Friday, January 16, 2015

아직난 몰라

I don't know yet.

I think I will write a more serious blog today. I recently turned 25 and for the past 6 months there have been many talks of marriage. It's either my friends are getting married, or my friend's friends, or family friends, or cousins, or distance relatives, or co-workers, or classmates or any one within a close proximity of my social circle. The point is there is some one some where having talks of marriage or getting married. And of course, my parents also suggest for me to start thinking about marriage. The funny thing is, I have thought about marriage ever since I was 14 years old. Now, I have never thought about it in a way that most girls are pre-conditioned to think in. The "dream wedding", the one where every girl imagines how her wedding would be like, how her husband would be like or what she will wear. No, no. For me, it is quite the opposite. Call me a bit cynical but I did not have any thought of marriage. Not even for a bit. More so I thought, Why? Why do I have to be married to be able to live in this world? I know the obvious reasons; to procreate, to have some one there for the rest their life, to be secure, loved and full. But all those reasons were still not convincing enough for me. In fact, at the age of 14, I despised the thought of marriage or that I would have to live the rest of my life with another man. Through out the years I have come to understand the underlining thought and mostly it has to do with the relationship of my parents. It is the main factor but also I never personally thought of being with someone. I didn't think it was the life for me, to this point I still don't. Is that so bad? Is that so selfish of me? Why do I have to get married? It's not like I want any kids. And even if I did, I don't want to produce my own. Recently, I came to a conclusion that I could adopt children. There are millions of children who need a home so why not give them one...I would feel much better by adopting a child than producing my own. And it is not like I want my legacy to live on.
So back to my main topic, marriage. I still don't feel the need to marry or be with someone for the rest of my life. I am perfectly content being on my own. I have my dear friends that withhold my social life and those are the people I would rather hang out and spend the rest of my life with. And you know what, I am extremely uncomfortable having someone sleep next to me at night. I spent most of my life sleeping alone on a bed and learning about myself by myself and I am just comfortable with it. If suddenly I am to get married then I would repel more than ever. How can you possibly get close to someone and expect to be near them constantly? It takes me at least 2 years to start opening up to a friend whether it be a boy or a girl, so with marriage it will take 3 times longer....
Maybe I am being too pessimistic about this...but I have experienced being in love, being in a relationship, and my thought of marriage has not changed.  Maybe I have not met the right person. {isn't that what people say?} All I know is I am not expecting nor waiting for that person. Because it is not some thing that I want or need from life. I will just go about my daily life and make each day count. If, fate comes knocking on my door then maybe I will let it in. Just maybe...

I also discovered some thing really interesting. As you know, my favourite Korean pop music band is the boy band, Super Junior. Well, one of their members got married last year on Dec 13th. 2014. I deeply congratulate him! The member Lee Sungmin was married to Kim Sa Eun. I couldn't be more happy for them. It's about time these men got married. They are all around the age of 30. So, as a result, the leader of the group Park Jung Soo, a.k.a. LeeTeuk did an interview about the topic of marriage. And he openly discussed that marriage was not in his mind. He might want to get married later on but he doesn't purposely seek for someone. He still finds sleeping with someone uncomfortable and that frequently thinks whether there is really a need to be married.

Leeteuk`s article

As I read the article, I felt more assured that I am not the only one thinks this way. That someone that I deeply admire also feels and is going through what I am thinking. I have always loved Leeteuk for his selflessness and acts of kindness and care towards the members of Super Junior but this time I felt a connection that even though I`m sure these men would want to be married, there is one of them that might be still considering whether marriage is the way to go. I respected him a lot more. I think at that moment I didn`t feel so alone regardless with all the people around me talking about marriage or undergoing it themselves.



Credits: Koreaboo

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