Today, I was watching a t.v. show and there was a quote said by one of the main actresses. The character recited a quote from a book that she had read.
She said "There is no right answer in life...Don`t look for answers. Right and wrong answers co-exist in every decision. Wise people make a choice and make it the right answer. Foolish people regret the decision and make it the wrong decision. There is no right answer in life. There is only the process to make it the right answer."
When I heard this I was reminded of my past memories. I think around this time I was conflicted with life decisions and once again around this time i`m struggling with the same thing. The decisions I make now are different from last year but nevertheless they involve a big change in my life. The quote that I wrote above, I had a similar thought of it about 4 years ago. I think it was good to be reminded of it again. I realized once again that there is no right or wrong answer, that no matter what I decide with my life, there will always be a pro and a con. It just depends on how I deal with it. But...I`m so afraid to make this decision. More afraid than anything than I have ever faced in my life. I have to battle with what kind of life I want to live verses the life someone else wants me to live. I`m afraid that if I go against them then they will never see me for the way I really am. I wish that if I decide to go down this path then I hope the other person will respect my decision. Trying to choose who you are and who you want to be isn`t easy.
Lately, I have been severely depressed and its been a real struggle trying to get back up but slowly I`m doing my best. I never thought I`d be this depressed in my life...I just hope it passes soon because I really don`t have any strength for anything. I have discovered that depression sucks the life out of you, like a Dementor sucking someone`s soul. You don`t feel like eating, don`t like doing anything, even the most minor tasks, you just want to lay in bed all day but don`t sleep either. And when you do sleep, you sleep for hours. The minor tasks in daily life become a chore. You have no interest in anything, and no physical strength to do it. You stare off into space for hours without realizing it. You have no desire to be with people, just hearing the thought of going outside gives you goosebumps. Thinking about people being outside and how you have to interact with them makes you want to run away. Going to school is a chore because there are too many people on campus. You get excited every time the teacher cancels class. You find any excuse possible to not go to class. Some times you don`t even have the strength to get up. You listen to music but even that doesn`t help. You can`t even put a fake smile in front of people...its too much effort for the muscles..so you have a stoic expression. Even speaking is a big effort. Speaking the less amount of words is more comfortable. You tell yourself that it will pass, it can`t get any worse but it gets worse the next day. Some time you wish it would go away but most of the time you swallow in your own misery. Only you can save yourself but some times you don`t want to be saved. Its an endless cycle.
This is what I have been feeling. Its good to get it off my chest. I`m grateful that I`m not dealing with this alone or else it would be ten times worse. :)
She said "There is no right answer in life...Don`t look for answers. Right and wrong answers co-exist in every decision. Wise people make a choice and make it the right answer. Foolish people regret the decision and make it the wrong decision. There is no right answer in life. There is only the process to make it the right answer."
When I heard this I was reminded of my past memories. I think around this time I was conflicted with life decisions and once again around this time i`m struggling with the same thing. The decisions I make now are different from last year but nevertheless they involve a big change in my life. The quote that I wrote above, I had a similar thought of it about 4 years ago. I think it was good to be reminded of it again. I realized once again that there is no right or wrong answer, that no matter what I decide with my life, there will always be a pro and a con. It just depends on how I deal with it. But...I`m so afraid to make this decision. More afraid than anything than I have ever faced in my life. I have to battle with what kind of life I want to live verses the life someone else wants me to live. I`m afraid that if I go against them then they will never see me for the way I really am. I wish that if I decide to go down this path then I hope the other person will respect my decision. Trying to choose who you are and who you want to be isn`t easy.
Lately, I have been severely depressed and its been a real struggle trying to get back up but slowly I`m doing my best. I never thought I`d be this depressed in my life...I just hope it passes soon because I really don`t have any strength for anything. I have discovered that depression sucks the life out of you, like a Dementor sucking someone`s soul. You don`t feel like eating, don`t like doing anything, even the most minor tasks, you just want to lay in bed all day but don`t sleep either. And when you do sleep, you sleep for hours. The minor tasks in daily life become a chore. You have no interest in anything, and no physical strength to do it. You stare off into space for hours without realizing it. You have no desire to be with people, just hearing the thought of going outside gives you goosebumps. Thinking about people being outside and how you have to interact with them makes you want to run away. Going to school is a chore because there are too many people on campus. You get excited every time the teacher cancels class. You find any excuse possible to not go to class. Some times you don`t even have the strength to get up. You listen to music but even that doesn`t help. You can`t even put a fake smile in front of people...its too much effort for the muscles..so you have a stoic expression. Even speaking is a big effort. Speaking the less amount of words is more comfortable. You tell yourself that it will pass, it can`t get any worse but it gets worse the next day. Some time you wish it would go away but most of the time you swallow in your own misery. Only you can save yourself but some times you don`t want to be saved. Its an endless cycle.
This is what I have been feeling. Its good to get it off my chest. I`m grateful that I`m not dealing with this alone or else it would be ten times worse. :)
